You are coming up to two months old. Two months you have filled our days with joy, laughter, learnings and gratefulness.
You are thickening up a bit now, a slightly stronger neck, larger eyes, bigger hands, more tuned to your surroundings… but still a useless spud.
Smiles are starting to show, although they are incredibly rare and I think you just need to let some gas out. I look forward to the day that you do a proper big one for me, I am sure that’s not far away… or I’m not as funny as people say.
I’ll be honest, the first 4 to 5 weeks was difficult for me. The world tells you that you instantly connect with your child, that you have an overwhelming sense of love for them as soon as they enter the world, but I didn’t have this.
Yes, I very much wanted to protect you, provide for you and help you grow, but there was no strong “love” emotion, which certainly had me worried.
Am I not a good father? Why do I not love something that is 50% me? Why at times do I feel like I want to be away from you?
But now, the love is creeping in, I genuinely am falling in love with you. As a father, I think it’s normal for this to happen, even if it goes against what others say, and what the media portrays.
Our connection is growing stronger everyday, the eye contact, the midnight feeding sessions, the tummy time, it’s all adding up and the bond is there. The more it grows the more it excites me, and the more I want to be the best father I can be for you.
Today it has set in that you will be apart of the rest of my life, whereas I will only be there for a portion of yours.
I have to teach you how to become a man of respect, a man that enjoys life on his own terms, but who is also prepared for the chaos and pain that the world throws at men. It’s not easy, and I still yet to fully understand it myself, but what I do learn, I plan to share with you, in hope that you take it with you on your journey through life.
This permanence warms me. Our relationship will be with me forever and although we will have our ups and downs, or good times and our bad times, our easy times and our difficult times… we will have each other.
Thank you for the hardest, most rewarding two months of my life.
Now please, just sleep for more than 3 damn hours.